Diary of Angry Asian Female

I am just a horrible human being - I burst into hysterical laughter and could not stop after reading this sentence in a hardcore epidemiology article:

"In the middle of the SARS crisis, Hong Kong unveiled its new travel slogan - 'Hong Kong, it'll take your breath away.' "

Celebrated end of LSAT season by sleeping in and eating all day. Was originally going to drag myself to Robarts at the crack of dawn but decided against it - vegging is good for the soul. Research can wait.

Mother has it in her mind that I've been starving myself during teaching season, so now she's made it her mandate to fatten me up. Just returned from midnight trip to T&T where she decided to forkload lots of greasy/cheesy goods into the old hanger: spring rolls, sushi, custard buns, ice cream and some Nestle Drumsticks added to the cart. I have a feeling Robarts will not be happening tomorrow either. She won't be satisfied until I'm coddled into obesity.

In other news, I fully agree with o_glorianna's comment about wearing our "Life gives you lemons, you fucking show those lemons who's boss!" T-shirts to class - I think we should get together with all the other instructors and make it an occasion. The MCAT kids will love it. It'll be a big morale booster before the big day.

It's like a giant porcupine slowly slid its way down my throat, have been living in fear of losing that last croack of voice.
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I want food so bad but am scared that it will cause me to fall asleep and not wake up for 3 days.
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The people on restaurant patios are silently taunting me with their iced teas, sunglasses and general lounging air. Stupid aristocrats.
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I need a bag of sour cream & onion chips, cheese dip and a bowl of Haagen Daaz so bad...
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If only I could do away with sleep...this could all work. In tandem.

The last couple of months have gone by in a blur. I don't know what else to say except EEK and Good riddance.

I think I'm finally coming out of that disgustingly happy fog I've been in, so back to my bitter old self, finalement. I didn't trust myself to post in that state of mind, lest I look back and have a permanent record of my giddy tidings to look back upon in disgust. Good riddance. Two weeks of ft-teaching have stripped me of that glossy outlook. I never thought I'd say this but it's good to be bitter and exasperated once more. It's befitting of me.

In other news, it seems so strange that school, or school as I've known it for the past 4 yrs, is over. I've been in such a hurry these past weeks that I've only started reflecting on it now. No more coffee dates at Second Cup, no more late-night cram sessions at Gerstein, no more creepy shawerma man to flirt with on lunch breaks (yes, i go there so often that we have a rapport, it's sad but so's my sorry existence).

In other exciting news, did anyone see the season finale of ER?? Oh man, Ray was going to be my new Carter reincarnate, except hotter and with a guitar (*drools*). Alas, he is now Lieutenant Dan (but you ain't got no sea legs Lt. Dan!) and i fear Neela and him will never get together. He better not leave the show. Else NBC will be receiving some really heinous tidings in the mail.

After 4 years of endless BS-ing, that sinking feeling never leaves you. That horrible, excruciatingly painful FRUSTRATION of trying to start a paper:

Sitting in front of a empty monitor, watching the cursor flash...blink...blink...while you wait for inspiration to come to you. I've just realized (during the thousandth time pulling yet another essay out of my ass) that no other feeling in the world trumps this sense of dread, foreboding failure of a blank screen. Like all the random streams of thought going through your mind can never be fully realized, justified or personified to the extent you wish/need it to be. You are doomed to fail, that's why you keep writing the exact same starting sentence over and over again, only to erase it in exasperation.

Pretty soon you start sweating and cursing because nothing comes out right, all your previous triumphs are thrown back into your face and you swear that you are not even LITERATE. You feel a sense of panic like this moment, this 'frame', this assignment will never end, you are forever trapped in this cyclical hell of empty longing for SOMETHING to come to you.

*sigh*

Fuck I need some coffee.

Feeling semi-crummy coming back from blissful weekend of doing nothing, now time to face music. Fireball was great, never had so much hummus and *STAW*berry fondue in my life. Have to catch up on 4+ weeks of reading, plus prepare for assignments/grants/tests/essays due. ARGH. I thought I might get a break by asking for an extension (for the first time in my 4-year academic career) but got shot down straight. Great.

On a totally unrelated, hilarious note, I heard a 33-year-old man refer to federal appropriations in the CHA as "Bombastic". Got visual of Professor as Rastafarian wearing Bob Marley T-shirt. Nearly died of laughter - there's a generational gap if I ever cited one.

Thanks to Em, I have never laughed so hard for 5 straight minutes in my entire life:

http://www.betterloverseminar.com/desi_wife_catches_husband.php

I don't know who to feel more sorry for, the wife or the poor sod of a man caught cheating over the radio.

Week 1 of 'Operation Restore Health' has enjoyed mixed success.

I've started taking my centrum again, thank goodness, my knees buckle less when i sit. I'm debating whether to supplement the supplement with an additional 800IUs of Vitamin D and risk overdose, in order to make up for all the excreted minerals from last term's caffeine-a-thon. Hmmm...no, kidney failure would be a bitch. Hold that thought for now.

Went to the gym today, got a good slap in the face from mother fitness. Seems the muscles in not only my upper but lower body died(apparenty i overestimated the effects of general movement from the bed to fridge). 25 minutes on the treadmill almost killed me - i think i even acquired a rash from the panting. Seriously - I may have developed an acute allergy to working out. That may be my cue for an exit strategy soon.

I even had a salad for lunch today, only to be hit by a HUGE wave of carb-craving hunger by midafternoon. Walking through Chinatown on the way home - BAD DECISION. Was seduced into evil Chinese Bakery, where evil teller lady convinced me i needed an entire bag of oil/buttery/fatty buns. Now must fight the need to be frugal and finish the pack, while cringing with every bite of buttery goodness for my arteries. Ooooh, the tragedies of a postermodern existence. I came home to also discover roommate went to Silversteins and loaded up on aromatic french bread. This means more sneaking to the kitchen in the middle of the night, to steal her bread and eat it straight with butter, under the cover of darkness. The idea of it in my kitchen burns a hole through my conscience...and stomach. *drools* Must. Control. Glutonous. Gut.!!! Maybe I have a giant tapeworm or something.

The past few days have gone by in a flurry of blurred motion that sometimes I wake up in the morning and think it's all too good to be true. Or expect to be hit by some kind of bus carrying liquid manure to spill over me, if only to even out the karma of the universe. But so far, so good.

It seems as if the higher powers that be (hmm should I have capitalized?) have finally decided to grant me a break. After that hellish last term, everything just got...peachy king when i arrived back on campus. First, UT law called with their regards. Then, much celebrating and eating. Then, marks came back not as bad as anticipated. (Su: Hay did not screw us over! YAY! I heart mushrooms!) I got my shiny new iPod in hand (thnx Sobi!) And now i am sitting around like a babbling idiot smiling at the world. Someone must have slipped some LSD into my tea or something because i am feeling PSYCHODELIC! I'm sure this will all ebb away next week when i start crunching numbers and looking into lines of credit for my debt-ridden future, and realize how wrechedly boring and horrible this term's courses are, but right now, i'm QUEEN OF THE WORLD! :)

And now, insert random Peanut threads:

This is a public service announcement from the momentarily un-angry asian female:

Salut Friends!

To those of you who joined in the fun on Dec. 19th, thanks for the memories! They will last a lifetime (or what i remember of it). Though I thoroughly enjoyed myself, I'm sorry to say it was at some of your expenses. I understand I can be confusing when intoxicated, so here are a few things we should clear up, for the time being:

1. I am not a top model, I'm aware that you're not all just jealous of my talents, and I do not have the drive to step all over the rest of you. Apologies go out to all of those who had to see my runway walk (it was pure brilliance in my head, i must say, but i have a feeling it wasn't quite so spectacular after a few rounds of vodka)

2. To those of you who had to endure through ear-shrieking phone calls or voicemail *surprises*, I apologize, G and I thought we could finish off the rest of the vodka (the other bottle, remember?) when everyone left, so we were flying quite high for awhile there. Shoutouts go to Lyn, who endured longest circular phone conversation with me while I waited for G to stop throwing up.

3. I love you all equally, and none of you are my *favourite*, no matter how many times I told you so.

4. To a certain individual who's name rhymes with Wanbing: i stand by my statement that I do not swing that way, and I did not appreciate how you tried continuously to undress me the entire night. Shame on you, taking advantage of me like that! :)

All in all, I must issue a giant lump-sum public apology to those who had to endure my drunkenness. Now you know what I meant when I said "I apologize beforehand for any behaviour that ensues later on in the evening." Thanks for sharing in the group release after exams. I cannot tell you the extent of my ecstasy now that the term from hell is finally over. Apps are done, the great L-beast has been tamed (who's the biatch NOW?) and I have spent the last two weeks blissfully watching Peanut gnaw away at the secret hole he's been constructing in the back of the living room couch. Life doesn't get much better than this.